Let's Build a Matrix 5

Now we have had conversations about each of the quadrants.

1. Who's important to us,
2. What shows up inside of us and gets in the way,
3. What behaviors do we do to move away from what we don't want inside of us,
and
4. What behaviors can we do to move toward who's important while having that unwanted stuff?

We are now ready to notice moving toward and away. Some people might wonder, who does the noticing? Of course that's 'me." As the song says, "the name I call myself." We don't dwell on the me. Simply put it's the part of us that shows up early in life and starts noticing almost every experience. It's a piece of cake for the me to notice Toward and Away.

For the most part, the rest of Matrix Work is practicing the noticing of Toward and Away behaviors.

Kevin


Kevin L. Polk, Ph.D.
ACT Gone Wild Training and Consulting
We train individuals and groups of all sizes.

Book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004M8S4Z4
Web:  http://www.drkevinpolk.com
Blog:  http://drkevinpolk.blogspot.com/

Let's Build a Matrix 4: Taking Unwanted Stuff Along

In Let's Build a Matrix 1 we talked about Who's Important.

In Let's Build a Matrix 2 we talked about unwanted stuff that can show up and get in the way of moving toward who's important.

In Let's Build a Matrix 3 we talked about the behaviors we do to move away from unwanted experiencing.

Now in Let's Build a Matrix 4 we talk about what we can do AND take the unwanted experiencing along for the ride. We label the right side of the horizontal line "Toward."

In this example someone has sais, "I could talk to my family about an issue, taking fear along."

Another said, "I could go to a movie with friends even though I'm feeling tired and want to go to bed."

Next time we will started training the Toward and Away discrimination.

Kevin


Kevin L. Polk, Ph.D.
ACT Gone Wild Training and Consulting
We train individuals and groups of all sizes.

Book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004M8S4Z4
Web:  http://www.drkevinpolk.com
Blog:  http://drkevinpolk.blogspot.com/

Let's Build a Matrix 3: What we do to move away from unwanted experiencing

In Let's Build a Matrix 1 we talked about the people who are important to us.

In Let's Build a Matrix 2 we talked about the stuff that shows up inside of us that might get in the way of moving toward who's important to us.

Now we collaborate around the stuff that we do to move Away from unwanted experiences going on inside of us.

I usually start with moving Away from Fear as an example, and about the same time write "Away" just above the left side of the horizontal line.

Then we have a conversation about the behaviors we do to move away from unwanted stuff like fear, anger, sadness and such.

I usually connect the unwanted stuff and the behavior with an arched line like you see in the drawing. This is the beginning of a discussion about the "unworkable change agenda" we will have later if we have enough time.

Any behavior can be used to move away, so you see 'meditation' showing up as an away move. A popular 'away' move not on the board is drinking alcohol, but it usually makes it up there in the presentations I do.

In Let's Build a Matrix 4 we draw attention back to the Toward side of the diagram.

Kevin

Kevin L. Polk, Ph.D.
ACT Gone Wild Training and Consulting
We train individuals and groups of all sizes.


Book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004M8S4Z4
Web:  http://www.drkevinpolk.com
Blog:  http://drkevinpolk.blogspot.com/

Listening for Flexibility

Psychological inflexibility, aka “feeling stuck,” is a byproduct of words. We start right out of the womb as flexible little learners, soaking up information through our five senses, and finally relating that information to words. As time goes by the words get stronger and stronger. We pay less attention to our five senses experiencing and more attention to the words in our heads. Of course the words are wonderful and allow us to communicate with others. However, the price we pay is less flexible learning. That is, we can believe what the words in our heads are telling us instead of integrating the information that is also available to us through the five senses. Most of the time less flexible learning is no big deal, but at other times it keeps us stuck doing things that just don’t work for valued living. The trick is to let go of the words a bit and pay more attention to what our five senses are letting us know about the world. One of the easiest ways to do that is by listening for flexibility.

[The following is an experiment. If you get a chance to do the experiment, please let me know about your results in the comments section of this blog.] 

When someone is speaking to you notice the impact that his or her words have on your psychological flexibility. Do the words “feel” flexible inside of you? Does it feel like you have more or less options after hearing the words? You do this noticing in an instant and you really don’t spend any time analyzing it. Just notice the flexibility and either keep listening or respond. After you have responded to the person, then does the next thing the person says feel more or less flexible?

To review:

1. You are first noticing the flexibility of the speaker’s words as they rattle around inside of you,
2. then you are noticing what you say after hearing the flexibility, 
3. and then you return to listening for flexibility. 

You really can’t think about this process much; there is just not enough time. It’s much like learning balancing on a bicycle; you don’t have time to think about balancing and steering. You simply notice the balance, notice doing the next action, and then notice the balance. The more you ride the more natural the process becomes. It’s the same when you are learning listening for flexibility; in one fluid motion you notice the flexibility, notice what you do next, and then return to noticing flexibility.

Take care,

Kevin

P.S.

I have recorded this blog post to the Psychological Flexibility podcast at: http://drkevinpolk.podbean.com/.

View the psychological flexibility videos at: http://www.youtube.com/drkevinpolk.

Post your comments about noticing flexibility on this blog.

The Psychological Flexibility Podcast: Values

In this episode we briefly review the psychological flexibility warm up, and then we "move" over to the values side of the matrix. We discuss values and chosen directions, a little about behaviors that move us toward values, and then a bit about noticing internal and external experiencing while moving (or not moving) toward values.

Next episode will be about moving away from unwanted mental experiencing.

Kevin

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https://student.gototraining.com/catalog/109687771

I also do individual consulting/coaching. Just email me and we will set up a time.

Warm Regards,

Kevin