The Matrix: The Struggle with Unwanted Mental Experiencing

Hi Folks,

Just in case you missed the Psychological Flexibility Warm Up... Take up and object and experience it through your five senses. Then put the object down and experiencing the same object in your mind. Then ask, is there a difference between my 5 senses experiencing of the object and my mental experiencing of the object? Then, who is noticing that difference? ("me")

Then recall what it feels like to move toward something important to you. Then what it feels like to move away from an unwanted mental experience like fear or sadness.

Again, who is noticing the difference between moving toward and moving away? ("me")

Now we will take a closer look at moving Away...

Look at the lower left quadrant in the diagram above; it's Mental Experiencing, Away.

That is, you are going to take a look at unwanted mental experiencing that you often move away from.

[Note: Moving away from mental experiencing is not a good or a bad thing. It's just something you do. Same with moving Toward values is something you do. We all do Toward moves and Away moves every day.]

You start by listing some of the mental experiencing that you move away from. Fear, anger and sadness are three popular ones, but there are many others. Just take a few minutes and list as many as you can come up with. Don't worry, if you forget some, you can always add more later.

The list you are creating is often called a "Suffering List." It's the unwanted mental experiencing that you can end up suffering with.

Now that you have created a Suffering List, its time to list the things in the upper left quadrant (Away Behaviors), that you do to move away from your unwanted mental experiencing. You might avoid going some place to get rid of fear. You might sleep to get rid of sadness. You might meditate to get rid of anxiety. Just list anything you do to move away from, get rid of, or reduce unwanted mental experiencing.

The list you are creating is often called a "Solutions List." It's the things you do to try and "Solve" unwanted mental experiencing.

Look over the Solutions List and determine which behaviors work to get rid of or reduce the unwanted mental experiencing for a little while. In other words ask the question, “Is this an effective “Short-Term” solution?“

Now look over the Solutions List and determine which of the behaviors work to permanently get rid of the unwanted mental experiencing. If you are like most people, you will find that the solutions never work for the Long-Term. That’s because mental experiencing always comes back.

The point of this exercise is simple: You are not going to get rid of unwanted mental experiencing. You might do stuff to ignore it or reduce it in the short-term, but the unwanted mental experiencing always comes back. We all do some of this short-term stuff to try and get rid of mental experiencing every day and that’s usually not a problem. It’s only when you start burning a lot of time doing it that it can become what is known as ”struggling with suffering.“

Note: This exercise is not about changing the amount of time you spend Moving Away. It’s simply and exercise to increase your awareness of moving away.

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After doing the Values (Moving Toward) and Struggling with Suffering (Moving Away) exercises hopefully you are a little more able to notice the difference between moving toward and moving away. Being able to notice these things helps increase your psychological flexibility.

Homework: Notice when you are moving Away and when you are moving Toward. While noticing moving Toward and moving Away, also notice your 5-senses experiencing AND your Mental Experiencing while moving toward and moving away. In writing this sounds complicated, but in reality you can easily do it. It’s much the same as riding a bicycle.

Below is a video that pertains to this post:

Flexibly Yours,

Kevin

The Matrix: The Psychological Flexibility Warm Up

Enhancing Psychological Flexibility: The Warm Up

First we will do a little stretch of the mind, nothing complicated, just a stretch. For this exercise I will use a writing pen, but if you don't have a pen handy, any little object will do.

The first thing to do is experience the pen through your five senses. So hold it in your hand and look at the pen. Really experience it through your sense of sight.

Next hear the pen. Click the pen or tap on it to make some noise. Really experience the pen through your sense of hearing.

Next feel the pen through your sense of touch. Run your finger over it and really get the feel of it.

Next smell the pen. Bring it up to your nose and give it a sniff.

Next, well, if you are intimate with your pen, then you can taste it. If not then smell it hard and sense the taste though your smell.

That is experiencing the pen through your five senses.

Now set the pen down. You will now experience the pen in your mind. So you "see" the pen in your mind. Then you "hear" the pen in your mind. Then you "touch" the pen in your mind. Then do the smell and tast in your mind. Finally, notice any other mental experiencing of the pen.

Question: Is there a difference between those two ways of experiencing (5 Senses and Mental)?

Who is noticing that difference? Or if you are noticing they are the same, then who is noticing the sameness?

You probably said "me," or "I" am noticing.

We will always use this basic stretch of noticing the difference between 5 senses experiencing of the world and mental experiencing of the world. Think about it: When you came out of the womb you started experiencing the world through your five senses. Then your mind went to work on learning about mental experiencing. That basic 5 senses experiencing to mental experiencing has been with you all along.


Next recall how it feels to move TOWARD something that is important to you. Maybe it was family, work, or school. Simply recall that feeling of moving toward something important to you.

Then recall how it feels to move AWAY from an unwanted mental experience like fear, sadness or anger. Simply recall that feeling that you get when you pull the covers over your head, or you did not go out, or maybe you did not pick up the phone in order to avoid having one of those mental experiences.

Again, who is noticing the difference between moving TOWARD and moving AWAY?

Yes, it's "me" or "I" doing the noticing.

The diagram below includes the me/I circle in the middle.

This is basic stretch. The fine print in the lower right says Kevin Polk, Ph.D., Jerold Hambright, Ph.D and Mark Webster. We came up with the Matrix for a presentation.

I will get to more about that presentation in later blogs, but the main thing to remember is that in the center of the Matrix is psychological flexibility. That is, if the ME or I in the middle has the choice to be noticing 5 senses experiencing, mental experiencing, choosing to move toward or away. As we go further and further into the blog, you may notice your psychological flexibility increasing.

Remember, start with five senses experiencing, then move to mental experiencing, then toward and away moves. That's the basic stretch.


Next we will continue the "stretching."


Flexibly Yours,


Kevin

Kevin L. Polk, Ph.D.
Psychological Flexibility Blog and Podcast
www.drkevinpolk.com

Note: I am a clinical psychologist, so I must say this stuff is in no way meant to replace treatment. If you think you might me having significant problems, please seek professional help.